He's a good little gimp; no matter how many times you kick him in the head, he will always come back to lick your shoes. The more pertinent question is what this says about you.
Perhaps he really is as blissfully ignorant as he appears, but more likely he is just incredibly motivated. At a certain point, you have to pause and admire the sheer persistence of the entire operation. Day in and day out, he returns only to be treated with more of the same derision. Any normal specimen would find this insulting, and eventually exasperating, but not he. No, he does not give up.
An interlocutor may object that performing the same action repeatedly and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity, but if this is accurate, it applies to you on a significantly greater level than it does he. A suspicious lack of progress on your behalf is substantially more informative than the pitiful routine of your hapless dependent and his bruised cranium.
Obviously, he could do better, but at least he is sticking with the enemy he knows. He knows you well enough to understand that no matter how many times you kick him in the head, you actually feel serious remorse. The cavalier attitude with which you approach this matter is a transparent farce, and in fact, he has already won the war even if each battle seems lost. This makes the denouement all the more satisfying for him, and equally as embarrassing for you.
The addendum to this tale is not one of mutual contentment, but rather squandered opportunities and fatal depression. Enjoy the bed you've made for yourself, and good luck sleeping in it.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Exercise in Subtlety
Lives are enriched; father-son bonds are reaffirmed as loving; fiends stand to rake in the winnings and pay for their spawn's textbooks. All we need now is some ice cold beer, and maybe a credit card plan that deals with our honest consumers fairly.
Okay, look, I'm not trying to make fun of your traditions. There is nothing wrong with what I am viewing here, questions of productivity placed aside for the sake of my sanity. In fact, I'll try to get into it. So far, I have only been able to pay attention to the advertisements. The people responsible for writing these ads should be rounded up and placed on trial for intentional misleading of the public, perjury, obstruction of justice, and for safe measure, we should raid their homes in search of contraband so that there are additional charges to pin onto these fuckers. Anyone who works in advertising, beware: the malleable, uneducated masses are tired of being lied to, and they are probably not going to do anything about it, except keep buying your products.
Convoluted tangents are very well and good, but sadly I must at least attempt to focus on the 'game', which is allegedly the actual reason people watch this nonsense. Currently someone is standing up, talking into a microphone, thanking a major phone company for their sponsorship. Is this supposed to be the game or the ad? All of his team members are wearing highly unflattering shirts with the phone company's name plastered on the front and back. Do these idiots have to get Vodafone tattoos, too? Certainly, if I were negotiating a sponsorship on behalf of Vodafone, I would request tattoos, not really out of any concern that players may betray the company by wearing the incorrect uniform, since I get the impression that these guys are very obedient. They seem like they excel at teamwork. The point is, the Vodafone forehead tattoo would serve to enforce just how valuable this partnership has been for all involved parties.
Anyway, that guy has stopped panting into the mic now, so we are being bombarded with some more ads. The announcers uncomfortably vouching for their network's programming seems to be the highlight of this incestuous, corporate clusterfuck, though the sense of shame that seeps through their voices is only minimal, and perhaps I am just looking for it. Needless to say, having seen five ads for KFC in the last five minutes (and you know you can be a football star too, if you just eat fried chicken everyday), I am starting to wonder if these athletes are ever going to get around to putting on their performance, or if we are just going to listen to a bunch of bald morons talking complete shit about previous games and promoting upcoming ones. This particular fucker has an especially grating voice - and by the look of him, it's not the result of a sedentary lifestyle, but simply years and years of yelling flamboyantly about dancers on a field. What a tragic way to ruin one's voice! Continued exposure to this gentleman is beginning to make me feel depressed.
Thank the good Lord. We are on a news break! An entire family died in a boating accident. A man from a nearby city was arrested three nights in a row for drink driving (that dude is totally not driving again for at least a week). Ah, things that are actually relevant! .... And a bunch of people with paint all over their faces are getting really excited about some sort of football match, and by the looks of it, this is the only thing that any of these people possess any motivation to care about. It is inescapable. I give up. Pass the Carlton. It's going to be a character building experience.
Okay, look, I'm not trying to make fun of your traditions. There is nothing wrong with what I am viewing here, questions of productivity placed aside for the sake of my sanity. In fact, I'll try to get into it. So far, I have only been able to pay attention to the advertisements. The people responsible for writing these ads should be rounded up and placed on trial for intentional misleading of the public, perjury, obstruction of justice, and for safe measure, we should raid their homes in search of contraband so that there are additional charges to pin onto these fuckers. Anyone who works in advertising, beware: the malleable, uneducated masses are tired of being lied to, and they are probably not going to do anything about it, except keep buying your products.
Convoluted tangents are very well and good, but sadly I must at least attempt to focus on the 'game', which is allegedly the actual reason people watch this nonsense. Currently someone is standing up, talking into a microphone, thanking a major phone company for their sponsorship. Is this supposed to be the game or the ad? All of his team members are wearing highly unflattering shirts with the phone company's name plastered on the front and back. Do these idiots have to get Vodafone tattoos, too? Certainly, if I were negotiating a sponsorship on behalf of Vodafone, I would request tattoos, not really out of any concern that players may betray the company by wearing the incorrect uniform, since I get the impression that these guys are very obedient. They seem like they excel at teamwork. The point is, the Vodafone forehead tattoo would serve to enforce just how valuable this partnership has been for all involved parties.
Anyway, that guy has stopped panting into the mic now, so we are being bombarded with some more ads. The announcers uncomfortably vouching for their network's programming seems to be the highlight of this incestuous, corporate clusterfuck, though the sense of shame that seeps through their voices is only minimal, and perhaps I am just looking for it. Needless to say, having seen five ads for KFC in the last five minutes (and you know you can be a football star too, if you just eat fried chicken everyday), I am starting to wonder if these athletes are ever going to get around to putting on their performance, or if we are just going to listen to a bunch of bald morons talking complete shit about previous games and promoting upcoming ones. This particular fucker has an especially grating voice - and by the look of him, it's not the result of a sedentary lifestyle, but simply years and years of yelling flamboyantly about dancers on a field. What a tragic way to ruin one's voice! Continued exposure to this gentleman is beginning to make me feel depressed.
Thank the good Lord. We are on a news break! An entire family died in a boating accident. A man from a nearby city was arrested three nights in a row for drink driving (that dude is totally not driving again for at least a week). Ah, things that are actually relevant! .... And a bunch of people with paint all over their faces are getting really excited about some sort of football match, and by the looks of it, this is the only thing that any of these people possess any motivation to care about. It is inescapable. I give up. Pass the Carlton. It's going to be a character building experience.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)