The two most commonly asked questions about relationships are, 'How do I get into one?' and 'How do I get out of this one?', to which the answer to both is:
a. persistence
b. nonchalance
c. sex-change
d. wealth
Your friends are going out drinking on a Friday night, and invite you along. Your lack of involvement in the planning process indicates that your friends feel:
a. apathetic about your potential contributions
b. embarrassed to associate with you
c. genuine remorse for not hanging out with you earlier in the week
d. as though watching you vomit in public is a worthwhile endeavour
Three ex-coal miners open up some beers over a campfire. Four hours later, they are wreaking havoc and destruction throughout the small city in which they grew up. Are they:
a. expressing their resentment towards the economic situation
b. in clear violation of their county's 'dry law'
c. littered with Confederate tattoos and obscenely racist
d. just having a good time
You are sitting in the food court of a typical mall when nearby you see an old man standing look down to the ground to discover a $5 note. He bends down to collect it and cracks his back. He probably needs:
a. a massive decrease in pension and welfare benefits
b. children who appreciated him more
c. advice from a pastor, minister or priest
d. to reserve a date at the crematorium
If the sky is blue, and the moon is composed of cheese, is it:
a. fair to believe in Santa Claus
b. reasonable to assert doubt in the blueness of the sky
c. outrageous that Neil Armstrong didn't take off his shoes
d. time for more grilled cheese and less carbon tax
Three wolves go hunting. It would be most sportsmanlike of them if they were to shoot:
a. men
b. women
c. children
d. the disabled
The government undergoes a fascist takeover and you are tapped to head a task force enabled to initiate the required actions to engage in a genocidal social cleansing. You make it your priority to go after:
a. political opponents
b. Mormons
c. both of the above
d. everyone not listed in 'c'
Two people go to a cinema to view a film. They decide to see a full-length motion picture based on a highly acclaimed animated children's series. Their tradition for watching movies necessitates that they bring:
a. sour candy
b. homecooked caramel popcorn
c. four rabid dogs and a pistol
d. their dumbass kid who insisted on seeing this movie in the first place
Correct answers will be revealed, accompanied with pretentious analysis, no later than December 1, 2012.
