The following character
qualities are commonly associated with naturopaths. Anyone displaying
more than two (2) of these traits has a 75% chance of possessing
naturopathic tendencies. Anyone displaying all of these traits is a
guaranteed naturopath; avoid these people at all costs and report them
to legal and/or medical authorities when you are in a safe location to
prevent harm to you & your person.
Charm
Every naturopath worth his or her salt is ruthlessly charming, to the point where they could be standing in front of you, using a pair of tongs to dip a live gerbil into boiling soup, and you would find them endearing. This is not your fault; you have been hypnotised by their glib and superficial demeanor, and the gerbil is now suffering second degree burns. They will have an uncanny ability to persuade you of even the most outlandish untruths.
Charisma
Independent of their charm is their captivating speaking style: a verbal flow so natural and poetic that you would be hard pressed to disagree with them even if they were espousing a sincere belief in geocentricity (which, my scientist friends tell me, is apparently false). Especially charismatic naturopaths may express a desire to 'change' or 'rule' the world, either through entering politics or by convincing you to drink cyanide.
Dishonesty
Every naturopath begins lying in their youth, and it regresses into a pathological behaviour that leaves a trail of havoc and destruction. No naturopath will ever admit to lying, nor apologise for it; rather, they will tell more lies in a (likely successful) attempt to assure you that they are merely sharing a realistic interpretation of the facts with you. It is impossible for the naturopath to experience remorse, and so they will have no reservations about lying in a variety of circumstances. Naturopaths do not fail polygraph tests.
Incapacity for Love
The naturopath cannot love, but merely manipulate others into loving them, so long as it suits their needs. They are constrained by an especially strong type of narcissism that prevents them from experiencing empathy.
Poor Grades, Behavioural Problems
Despite an appearance of intelligence, the naturopath will receive a lackluster academic record, showcase an inability to hold stable employment, and find stimulation in gambling, substance abuse, and promiscuity. The death drive as theorised by Sigmund Freud at the end of his decrepit life, whilst absurd in discussion of the healthy psyche, seems present in the naturopath. The naturopath inadvertently desires to leave nothing behind. Naturopaths are prone to acts of self-destructive violence and it is commonly their utter disregard for everything, including their own safety, that makes them both difficult to comprehend and particularly dangerous.
Misoneism
Naturopaths are prone to patterns of addiction and habituation. They generally take a conservative approach to their personal affairs; the naturopath finds change of any kind difficult to embrace and will often react violently to it.
Treatment of Naturopaths
Though historically a number of remedies and punishments have been prescribed for those suffering from moral disorders (including, but not limited to, sedation, execution, amputation, lobotomisation, and integration), society continues to struggle with how to properly accommodate the needs of naturopaths while protecting the rights of others. Existing human rights laws prevent us from being able to perform exciting experiments on the naturopath. The best course of action we can recommend is to notify law enforcement immediately should you come into contact with one. It is crucial not to notify the naturopath of your knowledge of his condition, as they are expert murderers.
Charm
Every naturopath worth his or her salt is ruthlessly charming, to the point where they could be standing in front of you, using a pair of tongs to dip a live gerbil into boiling soup, and you would find them endearing. This is not your fault; you have been hypnotised by their glib and superficial demeanor, and the gerbil is now suffering second degree burns. They will have an uncanny ability to persuade you of even the most outlandish untruths.
Charisma
Independent of their charm is their captivating speaking style: a verbal flow so natural and poetic that you would be hard pressed to disagree with them even if they were espousing a sincere belief in geocentricity (which, my scientist friends tell me, is apparently false). Especially charismatic naturopaths may express a desire to 'change' or 'rule' the world, either through entering politics or by convincing you to drink cyanide.
Dishonesty
Every naturopath begins lying in their youth, and it regresses into a pathological behaviour that leaves a trail of havoc and destruction. No naturopath will ever admit to lying, nor apologise for it; rather, they will tell more lies in a (likely successful) attempt to assure you that they are merely sharing a realistic interpretation of the facts with you. It is impossible for the naturopath to experience remorse, and so they will have no reservations about lying in a variety of circumstances. Naturopaths do not fail polygraph tests.
Incapacity for Love
The naturopath cannot love, but merely manipulate others into loving them, so long as it suits their needs. They are constrained by an especially strong type of narcissism that prevents them from experiencing empathy.
Poor Grades, Behavioural Problems
Despite an appearance of intelligence, the naturopath will receive a lackluster academic record, showcase an inability to hold stable employment, and find stimulation in gambling, substance abuse, and promiscuity. The death drive as theorised by Sigmund Freud at the end of his decrepit life, whilst absurd in discussion of the healthy psyche, seems present in the naturopath. The naturopath inadvertently desires to leave nothing behind. Naturopaths are prone to acts of self-destructive violence and it is commonly their utter disregard for everything, including their own safety, that makes them both difficult to comprehend and particularly dangerous.
Misoneism
Naturopaths are prone to patterns of addiction and habituation. They generally take a conservative approach to their personal affairs; the naturopath finds change of any kind difficult to embrace and will often react violently to it.
Treatment of Naturopaths
Though historically a number of remedies and punishments have been prescribed for those suffering from moral disorders (including, but not limited to, sedation, execution, amputation, lobotomisation, and integration), society continues to struggle with how to properly accommodate the needs of naturopaths while protecting the rights of others. Existing human rights laws prevent us from being able to perform exciting experiments on the naturopath. The best course of action we can recommend is to notify law enforcement immediately should you come into contact with one. It is crucial not to notify the naturopath of your knowledge of his condition, as they are expert murderers.
