Polling Services Incorporated
After a careful consideration of the opinions offered by fourteen participants, we have been able to deduce a shocking result for the question, 'Does this beard look like a desperate attempt at trying to be Amish?' (All fourteen participants were shown different pictures of beards.) With a margin of error of 35.3%, 77% of respondents said yes, while 23% were undecided. In an even more stunning result, 53.7% of respondents suggested that they held a favorable view of late Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. This could be a result of confusion with the United States President, B. Hussein Obama, suggested R. Lithgow, who is an undergraduate at the Community College of Boise, Idaho.
Five Ways to Cook a Trash Bin
1. Fry it
2. Grill it
3. Oven that shit
4. Eat it raw
5. Who the hell contractually obligated us to come up with five ways to "cook" a trash bin? This is bullshit.
How to Ruin a Perfectly Fresh Pair of Socks
And no, we are not discussing the most obvious and literal solution to this conundrum, which is to lose one sock: wear them ten days in a row, or until they develop dark brown-gray crusting on the entire underneath, and then wash them. You can even wash them again, and it won't matter!
Ode to the Devil
Throughout my many crises, it had been to you whom I turned for affirmation. Removing the fog, I can now see how this was a friendship of placation. Unable to consider interests other than your own, you sought animosity and strife; the actions of yours, not worth mentioning, make me wonder how you sustain your own life. Surely people of such arrogance could not wield influence or command respect. Surely creatures of such transparent degeneracy would, rather, be treated as a lowly insect. But I look around and I consider the people who appear to be in control; they bear strikingly similar characteristics, and then I just want to crawl into a hole.
The Radical Alternative Lifestyle
Pdiddy85: LOL, I called Freddy and asked if he wanted to come to the library, and he said “yeah, I just have to finish breakfast.” ...It's nearly 1pm.
Jhostile06: hah
Pdiddy85: Seriously, I mean even if I slept in that late... I would still call it lunch.
Jhostile06: well you do seem to like things the old fashioned way
Pdiddy85: What's that supposed to mean?
Jhostile06: oh, nothing
Jhostile06: have you tried energy drinks yet?
Pdiddy85: I had three sips of Red Bull last week, but it was so sweet. Ick.
Jhostile06: thats ok, the coke isnt as sweet
Pdiddy85: Come on man, this is only my junior year. I haven't even tried to make a move on that girl in chemistry yet, and you expect me to start dabbling in that rubbish?
Jhostile07: look, pete, buddy
Jhostile07: im from the future
Jhostile07: and you are gonna get pretty messed up... pretty shortly
Pdiddy85: Not only do I not appreciate your online trickery, I am offended by the sentiment that I would feel the need to abuse my body in such a way as you suggest.
Jhostile06: oh brother, im finishing my breakfast and then going back to bed.
