It is the one who is without fault who should throw the first stone, and despite having never actually done anything wrong, ever, I feel the need to examine the decision to execute cautiously. The scriptures mandate this penalty, and though I agree it is just, my opinions should have no bearing on the will of the mighty deity that reigns from above. This being noted, however, the person in question happens to be a good friend of mine, and as the only sinless person presently alive in Precinct 76, I cannot recuse myself from this application of justice due to an alleged conflict of interest.
The reflection does not cease, however, and more and more I begin to question the divine plan, potentially jeopardising my own sinless status. You see, Richard, or Ritchie, as I called him, was more than just an old school buddy; no, we had deep conversations about philosophy and stuff, and he was very capable of processing the most boggling theological questions and holding his own in an impassioned debate. Throwing rocks and shards of glass at this guy seems kind of messed up.
So what did Richard do that warrants this ultimate penalty, you may ask? What heinous crime did he commit that justifies such a harsh reaction? It all started one day in 2007, when Richard was taking funds from others' investment accounts he managed, in the hope of turning them into quick profits so that he could restore the accounts to their original balance, unbeknown to his clients, while capitalising on the successes. This alone would warrant five years in the county jail, but Richard was also eating a sandwich. A human sandwich.
Now, in a community like this, it doesn't matter whether you bought that stuff on the black market or if you killed someone just to eat their flesh; no, that is a really messed up, punishable offence and the Lord would have none of my protests were I naïve enough to lodge them. What is a sinless executioner to do? I was provided with the opportunity to have lunch with Richard before the execution, but I declined. I felt it inappropriate to humanise him further when I knew that I could not carry out the wishes of anyone but the heavenly father.
The execution was a solemn event, and only his older brother showed up to mourn his loss, and to nab half of the remaining funds in Richard's bank account, as well as estate and asset related money, the other half of which went to the local government, as is customary with executions. I signed off on the stoning, certifying that it had been performed according to standard procedure with no problems, without breaking a sweat and then went back to my shack to enjoy some iced tea.
