Students hoping to enroll in George Lowman University of Summerville, Missouri* this year were provided with an entrance exam which asked a series of short response questions. What follows is the final question and what were determined to be the best six responses. All of these students succeeded in placing for enrollment at the university for 2010**.
What are the major influences that help shape your personality, interests, and ambitions? In particular, address your own life experiences when answering.
The most important thing that guides me as I have shaped myself throughout the last eighteen years has been the strength that I find in my parents. For example: one time I was involved in a misunderstanding with gang members which ended in violence against my person. I went home bleeding, bruised and sobbing and my father asked me what happened. After I told him, he pulled out a briefcase from next to a file cabinet and handed me a huge wad of cash, and told me to pay them off if they ever threatened me again. I have always been thankful for God and the fact that my parents are multi-millionaires. It has spared me a lot of hardship.
N. Fulman
Everyone thinks of me as some kind of hero, but really I am just a regular guy. I cry when I watch sad movies and I eat too much cake when I am feeling blue, and I dance in giddiness when I hear songs I really like. I like to think of it all as part of the universal human condition, or at least among people who have access to things like films and cake and such. It would be an interesting experiment to find out if people in savage cultures who lack the means for such technology also experience the same emotions as we do. Finding the answer to that question could go a long way towards the progress and harmony in race relations in this country that most of us strive for.
J. Hanson
There are lots of major influences that help shape me and my personality, as well as my interests, and my ambitions. I have great ambitions to be a respected author, and a major interest in my own personal hygiene. I look forward to having children one day. Once a week I go to the cinema with my little brother and we play arcade games and eat some junk food, but I like to restrict myself because I know that if I lived like that all the time I could get pimples, or become obese, or not have any energy anymore from not exercising, or I could start feeling lethargic. Another interest of mine, by the way, is school, because I got really good grades in high school. I have a lot of interest and ambition in going to GLU to study biology and maybe start doing Spanish, if you have introductory courses.
A. Franklin
Well, my mom, I guess, because I was home schooled and she has always been my teacher. She has always taught me to respect my elders, and to respect authority. She has also told me to think critically, which I am thinking of trying out this year. I don't know what kind of party scene you guys have over there but I am definitely looking to have a good time. Staying up late, eating chocolate bars for breakfast, maybe even sniffing glue at parties, the whole shebang. Definitely hit me up because I am pretty desperate to get the heck out of here and your tuition fees are incredible.
B. Sensenbrenner
I watch a lot of TV. Family Guy, CSI, NCIS, Arrested Development, Nip/Tuck, Prison Break are just a couple of my favorites. I can sustain hours of conversation just through nonstop television references and if you tell me your favorite TV shows I can almost certainly make you laugh with the best quotes from whatever they are. I am a TV expert. I should pretty much be writing TV Guide. Haha, Brian is so funny. Runner up? Stewie, of course. I pretty much idolize those guys, I'm not going to lie. I sleep in Transformers pajamas on SpongeBob bedsheets, and eat Trix for breakfast while watching anything decent on the 340 channels we get. I don't shy away from commercials, but if I really like a show I will get the DVD sets anyway. If your courses are as much of a breeze as I suspect they are, I am gonna be watching a whole lot more television these next four years. Bring it on, baby.
L. Solomon
I fell off of a horse when I was twelve, and broke my arm and leg. This experience taught me to be thankful for life, because the doctors tell me that had I been riding only a little bit faster, I could have died. I also learned to never drink alcohol and ride, which I found out later is also a crime (!), and I will not drink alcohol again until I turn 21. One time when I was sixteen I went sky-diving and it was really amazing and truly breathtaking. This has sparked my own interest in jumping from grand heights. One day I hope to grow wings.
F. Sanders
* George Lowman University is not an accredited educational institution. Students enrolling for classes there should be advised that any diplomas obtained from this institution are completely worthless in every functional way. A spokesperson from GLU could not be contacted for any information on the student selection process.
** We have it on excellent authority that B. Sensenbrenner withdrew from enrollment following a familial dispute which was he was apparently unable to resolve. It looks like he will be staying home this year.
