“There you go again.” – Ronald Reagan
I see that I may have caused you some anger, sadness, and/or inconvenience. I see that we will probably never trust each other on quite the same level as before, moving forward from this point. All of this is okay, though. I forgive you.
Can we be pals again? Chums like in the good old days? Or are you just going to hold a grudge? Am I asking you too many questions? You don't have to answer them all at once; just answer them in order. In quick succession. I have many more questions. We haven't been hanging out properly at all!
Listen, what on earth happened to our friendship? I cannot help but feel exasperated with despair when I think about the present state of things, and wish it were not so. Surely, it is not irrational to desire mending this stream of malicious thought, to repair the damage done and heal all wounds. Is it so horrible of me to ask for your cooperation?
You don't have to agree with me straight away. You probably need some time to think about this properly, to closely scrutinise all of your options. You are going to agree with me eventually, though, and it would probably make things a lot quicker and easier for both of us if you would kindly step out of the way of your own inevitable acceptance of this wonderful solution.
The thing I liked about you the most – and why I miss your company so much – well, I guess you were always my devil's advocate. You forced me to consider other perspectives on situations, different ideas that directly challenge my viewpoints, which is really useful due to my inherent, irreparable and serious learning capacity deficiency. Thank you for the knowledge.
Come over for a barbecue or something, we can cook duck. Or we could go to the movies... are you free on Saturday night? The megachurch in my suburb, Christ Foreshore, has services on Saturday nights. We could do communion next Wednesday; breaking bread and sipping grape juice concentrate out of K-Mart paper cups while thanking the Lord for his forgiveness. You see, he has graciously forgiven all of us, much as I have forgiven you.
So what do you think? Is this not worthy? Bit tempting? I'll come back in a couple of days and we can discuss this again. This has been great; we should do this more often. Aren't you enjoying this? Look, I'll call you tomorrow. I know you're not doing anything tomorrow. Don't even pretend to have to go somewhere, I can see through your lying teeth with x-ray like vision. Anyway, I have got to see a plumber about some ivory commodes, but I'll see you very soon. xoxo
