Here are a few little things you probably don't know about me:
1. I collect dead bees. As I've never been stung, I have maintained a lifelong interest in preserving my dominance over these bloodthirsty creatures. Something tells me that bees tend to stay away from that guy with the dead bee collection. Or maybe I'm just over-thinking this. Whatever. Let's move on.
2. I am a tornado survivor. (Don't ask for further details.)
3. As a high school honour student, I was entitled to free pizza on a quarterly basis. I was happy with this reward; after all, delicious, steaming and fresh pizza is the ultimate culmination of a couple months of devoted schoolwork. However (and I have felt guilty about this for all of my days) I was encouraged by a certain family member to 'hold on' to the free pizza certificate so that I could re-use it, therefore getting more than the one free pizza I was entitled to. It is folks like me, who have been cheating the market for decades, who ruin it for everyone else. (I don't believe the particular pizza store in question, however, was affected by the recession. Thank goodness.)
4. At some point, the collection of litter and compost on my carpet grew to be such a cumbersome mountain of trash to clean that I had to put a rug over it. It ties the room together, but it looks a little uneven. Sometimes I worry there are rats under the rug.
5. I'm allergic to zucchini, if you trust my doctor at least, and I certainly don't; the prick. I eat the goddamn stuff every day of the week. Feel great.
6. Once at 4 in the morning, I sat at a stop sign for the better part of an hour, waiting for it to turn green. The officer was very understanding and told me to get moving.
7. Unlike most other people, I can actually simultaneously sneeze while urinating, however I restrict this to when I am outside.
8. The second time I fell through the roof of a three-story home was also the last. What followed was an epiphany of sorts which allowed me to break from the strangling hold of what kept bringing me back to that wretched house: the only way I could get my life together, once and for all, was if I stopped hunting for ghosts in abandoned houses. Though the impact has been less great than I had imagined, cessation is definitely an improvement.
