In lieu of the customary bullshit coleslaw served in generous portions at this fine establishment, the following is simply a list of titles. We expect to revert to the classic formulation shortly, but for now...
“I Was Thinking Today, I Should Really Get Into Gambling”
“Catching a Cheating Spouse with Hypnosis and Waterboarding”
“Three Ways to Gut a Nun (My Trip to Wisconsin)”
“Choose Life, Unless You Can't Afford It”
“I Worship You Aqua Buddha, I Worship You”
“Low-Calorie Cola Addiction Ruined My Family”
“Elimination of Gregorian Chanting through Lobotomy”
“There Is Nothing You Can Do About Crime In Your Ghetto”
“Friendly Ways to Intimidate Your Neighbour”
“Making Women Think You Are Actually a Lot Better at Everything Than You Really Are”
“Drowning Eskimos and Environmental Impact of Related Methane Emissions”
“Urban Legends: Food Poisoning May Require Hospitalisation”
“This Particular Article is the Result of Five Hours with a Thesaurus”
“Thirty Years of Water Polo and I've Never Felt Better”
“My Optometrist Looks Up My Shorts Because He Thinks I Can't See”
“Put the Kazoo Down Before I Kill Your Dog”
“Just for Being Without Sin and Throwing the First Stone, I Burned Down Your Hut”
“The Fucking Pricks I Work For Don't Cover Dental, So I'm Mugging Strangers”
“Cleaning Your Own Shit from a Public Bench (Without Leaving a Trace)”
“My Membership at This Gymnasium Makes Me Feel Like a Total Douchebag”
“Confronting Second Cousins Regarding Domestic Legal Disputes”
“I Lost My Keys on the Bus and I'm Pretty Sure My Life is Worthless Now”
“Unsettling New Information Proves Coriander Products from Saskatoon Contain Asbestos”
“If There is Anything Worse than Natural Disasters, Please Demonstrate Now”
“The Tale of Rockwell Francesco, A Man Who Never Follows Bad Directions”
