If I can garner anything from the campaigns for the Australian election being held later today, it's that nobody is voting for anybody, but against someone else. Also, even if Jesus Christ returned in the next six hours (in his chocolate lathered chariot, which experienced terrible melting problems during transportation due to the ridiculous inadequacy of the elves employed to build the chariot) and wrought ultimate destruction on all of the world's greatest socialist utopias (Iceland, Greece, Cuba, Venezuela, Vermont, etc.), I would have to admit that the title for this little spiel is entirely false. It is difficult to measure the anger that persists over the dumping of Kevin Rudd as Prime Minister, which the Liberal Party is doing its best to exploit, Queensland and elsewhere. There is also disappointment about Labor's perceived shift to the right under the recent leadership of Julia Gillard. If the following conclusion from these grievances is to then vote for the Liberal Party, then clearly there is a question of either priorities or political awareness.
Tony Abbott can rule out banning abortion to address concerns of underpopulation, fortunately, though his actions as Health Minister would indicate otherwise. He can also rule out bringing back WorkChoices back “under any name.” It sounds like conservatives have very good reasons to throw their weight behind this architect of political mastery; after all, Abbott is standing by their side on all of the things that really matter, like stopping a couple thousand people legitimately seeking refuge from persecution or violence from immigrating to the country, and treating the pollution of coal and petroleum companies as irrelevant even in the repeated presentation of scientific evidence. The fact that “boat people” were ever brought into the political discourse makes a farce out of the entire election, and it is reprehensible that politicians from any party think it is reasonable to detain asylum seekers on international grounds for processing. The use of “stop the boats and help families” as a Liberal slogan is either an indicator of a horrible blunder on the Liberal public relations folks, or heaven forbid, massive stupidity among the community who cannot immediately locate the inherent paradox in this conveniently ambiguous duo of policies.
In the spirit of this election, I will not give you reasons to vote Labor. I will instead give you some “reasons” to consider the Liberals: if you believe homosexuals are degenerates and/or that homosexuality is a choice; if you believe that women should focus on child rearing and parenting to the detriment of their careers; if you find it disturbing that children are born out of wedlock, or that areas of the country have legal pornography and prostitution; if you feel that the richest in society simply aren't paying their fair share in taxation while the lowest income class gets a free ride in a wildly unregulated welfare system that pretty much just hands out free money to totally worthless pieces of shit like students, old people, parents, the unemployed, children, the disabled, etc.; if you feel that the earth was created roughly six-thousand years ago, and/or you don't rule out geocentricity; if you believe that major national priorities should include the criminalisation of flag burning, sodomy, and video games depicting graphic violence and sex; if you feel that the best way to respond to a potential recession is to cut taxes for the rich to the detriment of the public deficit, all while ignoring social investments; and maybe you just happen to feel that people who are only just learning to speak English as of three years ago are not only a threat to the safety of your community but a threat to a way of your life.
And remember, “this election is extremely important,” “your vote actually matters,” and “this is all about building a positive bridge to the future.”
