But if you try sometimes, you just might find that you aren't going to get what you need, either. Welcome to the second issue of Amazingly Short Stories, which remains notoriously unknown, but yearns to share with you the powerful lessons learned from the following people who have endured hardship throughout their morose and tortured existences.
Our Love Will Be Forever
Roland was feeling uncomfortable. Ever since he had thrown a raging party at his home, all of his furniture was completely trashed. All he wanted, really, was to just sit on his couch without encountering any sort of difficulty. Instead, the couch was full of gaping holes.
“Don't worry, man,” said Ronald. “At least we still have each other.”
“You know, Ronald, it was your stupid fucking idea to throw a party in the first place. Maybe you ought to reimburse me for all of my broken shit.”
Now both Roland and Ronald were feeling uncomfortable; not just physically and with their tarnished surroundings, but emotionally as well. Roland knew that the only answer to this quarrel would be death: Ronald was a deadbeat with no money and no prospects. He had already long spent his inheritance on video games and cheese & bacon balls. Roland spent the rest of his life being bullied by larger prisoners.
Fat Chance
James Robert Edwards (known colloquially as 'Jim Rob') was on a strict no-food diet. He woke up, noted that his stomach had been making horrid sounds all night, and promptly went to watch some news on the television. The anchor was discussing freshly solved murders in the neighborhood, and Jim Rob could not help but feel relieved that he had not been a victim in this recent spate of ruthless killings.
Nobody would want to kill Jim Rob anyway. You take one look at this fellow and you will realise immediately that something in his demeanor expressly prohibits him from actually inflicting pain upon others through any method other than apathy. Jim Rob is the kind of guy who could kick your ass in any eating contest, but otherwise will just sit there and not say anything. You've probably met people exactly like Jim Rob before.
He couldn't take it anymore. He walked as quickly as he could out of his front door, got into his car, and got some drive-thru fried chicken. He had failed yet again, but the sweet nourishment of the delicious fried poultry and french fries with extra salt gave him feelings of euphoria which he did not even possess words to adequately describe. He would go on to die from heart failure at the age of 38.
But I Just Work at a Theme Park Restaurant
I was taking down the country's great flag in the evening as some men in military uniforms were walking past. Blame my indifference: the flag touched the ground. 'OI! What do ya think you're doin' there??'
'Oh, hi there! I'm a terrorist. I'm about to set off some bombs, and this is my little pre-explosion ritual. I'm letting the flag touch the ground because I know its feelings will get hurt. You guys better get out of the way before the blast! HAHAHA'
I definitely believe that the maniacal laughter at the end is what stopped them from shooting me. So yeah, they beat me up instead but hey, I'm still alive! This is excellent, and I normally hate having broken legs. Anyone fancy a drink?
